Takeaways from Managing Time Mindfully workshop

I walked into Pam Kristan's time management workshop in Jamaica Plain on January 30 feeling that I was already somewhat of an expert on time management. After all, I had successfully completed an MBA with honors while working full time while I had a two-year-old. I am somewhat of a time management aficionado, picking up tips from a wide variety of sources. So I was pleasantly surprised when I learned a huge amount from the two hours I spent at the workshop.

Pam's system revolves around the ABCs: attention, boundaries, and choices. She started off with a quick tip for us to deal with interruptions. She suggests that if someone interrupts you, pick a word so that you can return to that spot in your project, somewhat like a pause button.

As you might expect, she was very mindful with time, informing us how long she expected something to take, how long until a break, etc. this was useful for participants' planning purposes. I plan to apply this at home in the mornings with my daughter to better manage our morning time with a timer.

A highlight of the program for me was when Gabriel led the room in a guided meditation. I realized how much better I respond to a guided meditation than going it alone, so I found several good tracks by Meditation Oasis that I've downloaded onto my phone to do each morning.

 Pam left us with nuggets of wisdom around each of her ABCs. For example, when she discussed attention, she suggested a system of catch, distribute, and review. To put that in practice, when idea comes in, catch it by writing it down. Then, distribute it where you need it. Finally, in the review stage, assign this task to where it needs to go. You might add it to a calendar or a list, for instance. 

Another wise suggestion regarding attention is that we each control our own attention. Sometimes, a bit of empowerment can allow us to feel more comfortable with a never-ending to do list. As she reminded us, our to do list is impossible to finish and never ends. She encouraged audience participation and suggestions, so I chimed in with my favorite to-do list, Peter Bregman's six box to-do list. Pam stressed that different systems will work for different people, so do what works for your specific circumstances.

One of the most useful takeaways for me was a technique that Pam outlined as satisfaction reflection. She pointed out that most people rush through their days focusing on what they haven't done yet. Instead, she urged us to focus on what we have accomplished rather than dwelling on what we have not. This is essentially optimism for time management, and as an eternal optimist, I'm drawn to the idea.

Pam suggested a timing your work using a block of 20 minutes, and 17 minutes in, closing the segment down. She suggested to first reflect on the past via a satisfaction practice and note down what was effective. Then, looking forward, identify your next steps. Finally, remain in the present. This reminded me of a working technique that I really enjoy, the Pomodoro technique. Combined with the three-minute closing, I think it will be very effective in managing my competing priorities.

When establishing boundaries, Pam suggested that we consider a cell membrane and its semi-permeable nature. She suggested that rather than being completely rigid, that we allow for flexibility in terms of our schedule. This tip is especially good for the chronically late. Pam suggested thinking of both/and rather than either/or and finding creative solutions to accomplish more.

Pam led an interesting heartbeat tracking activity that drilled into attendees that it is very difficult to be in touch with your own agenda while paying attention to that of others. As a people pleaser, this one hit home for me very intensely. As part of my satisfaction practice, I set an intention for myself to be very firm in ensuring that my activities align to my priorities.

One of the last takeaways I jotted down before I had to leave at the lunch break was about perfection. Pam reminded us that perfection is the enemy of production, and 85% effort is a perfectly acceptable cruising altitude. Certainly, some tasks can be given less effort and attention, well some absolutely require more. But you can't give your 100% to everything all the time without burning out.

I feel honored that Pam allowed me to be part of the promotion and marketing of her very successful event. I strongly encourage you to check out Pam's website and her books.

Managing time mindfully

I strongly advocate for time management awareness and best practices because I've seen the positive impact that good time management has had on my life, especially in terms of achieving my goals. I've been at my most successful, both personally and professionally, when my work and personal life are in balance. Through my awareness practices such as meditation and organization, I can avoid and minimize feelings of chaos and overwhelm and achieve an optimal flow and rhythm to my days.

I want to share this awesome new  time management resource with my blog readers. For those local to Boston, Pam Kristan is hosting a workshop entitled Managing time mindfully on January 30th. I recently met Pam Kristan through the JP Time Exchange, an interesting time and skill sharing site that I joined about a year ago. Both the Time Exchange and Pam's workshop operate under the gift economy. The folks who meet and collaborate on these type of projects enjoy giving back and learning new skills.

Here's a sneak peek at some brainstorm sessions Pam used to create the event.

I'll be at Pam's workshop on the 30th where I plan to acquire new skills and techniques for managing stress and organizing my life. I'll also bring with me some of my favorite resources, like the Pomodoro technique and 6 box to-do list. I hope to see you there!

Here are some additional details about the event:

Workshop exercises dissolve individual/cultural patterns that no longer serve and let attendees try out new ways of being, thinking, and feeling. Pam says, "the practice cycles between Awareness and Action -- each informing and generating the other." A mix of hard skills and reflectiveexercises reinforces the new cycle.

Time management loosens the hold of distressing feelings such as being overwhelmed, anxiety/guilt from not doing enough, and despair from feeling powerless to change.

Attendees can expect to reframe how they think of time management, get hands-on techniques to live more powerfully, give substance to their personal visions, andlay groundwork for continuing after the workshop.

The Parish Hall will be set up with a gallery of powerful images and signs, music/video stations, and areas dedicated to specific topics so participants can explore time management through several modalities.

The session is offered by free will donation in the spirit of the gift economy. Bring your own lunch or patronize JP'slocal lunch places.

Pam is author of Awakening In Time: Practical Time Management For Those On a Spiritual Path. She has been giving consultations and workshops in spirituallyoriented time management for 30 years. She moderated speak-outs for National Take Back Your Time Day. More at www.pamelakristan.com and Facebook page.

"There is so little time, we must go slowly" (traditional Taoist saying)

If you're not from Boston, you can check out Pam's books here.

Loving Kindness Meditation

I've had a lot of changes in my life lately, so I've taken up regular meditation as a way to introduce some calm into the chaos. I found one ritual especially useful.

I swim once or twice a week in the amazing pool my company maintains. It's always a calming experience. This week, I decided to introduce a loving kindness meditation into my swim.

As I learned in the book Real Happiness, a loving kindness meditation focuses on the following mantra:

May you be safe
May you be loved
May you be happy
May you live with ease

First, you apply this to yourself. Then, you can focus on loved ones, family members, and friends, and the universe if you like. The book recommended that you test your compassion by directing your meditation at a challenging person in your life.

I was amazed by how much this small exercise calmed my brain and made me feel at peace. I had a brighter outlook and a calmer mindset that lasted for the rest of the day.

Next time I'm having a challenging day, I'm going to recall this feeling of goodwill, and pause to do a loving kindness meditation.

Stop and smell the roses

Right around Mother's Day this year, I was feeling quite busy and a bit stressed as a consequence. I'd just returned from a long (6 day) business trip with full days and late nights, complete with 8 hours of plane travel each way. I was also gearing up for my daughter's 6th birthday party, which we were hosting at our house. We had to clean the place, assemble favors, decorate, buy snacks and drinks, etc. Add all this to a busy week of work catching up from my week out of the office was a recipe for feeling overwhelmed.

I was so distracted and stuck in the to-do list in my head that I kept putting off taking care of the lovely roses my husband and daughter had bought me for Mother's Day.

In fact, I was absently feeling a bit resentful of having yet another task to do.

Fortunately, I realized how foolish that thought was, and I was able to transform the care of my roses into a mindfulness exercise.

I enjoyed the snapping sound that the bottom of the stems made as I trimmed them carefully at an angle.

I watched the rose food dissolve into the water.

And I inhaled the lovely fragrance of the roses. Blissful.

This only took 5 minutes from my day, but was one of the more relaxing moments. But only because I reframed my perspective and turned my feelings of overwhelm into a more constructive attitude.

What do you have to do tomorrow that you can reframe as a privilege?

Asking for help is a gift

I am recovering from some tragic news. My dear friend Maija, who was my daughter's daycare director, died unexpectedly yesterday. I spent yesterday on the phone delivering the news to shocked parents and friends, in between comforting Maija's best friend and business partner.

Then we had to break the news to my daughter and her two close friends. I highly recommend this approach. The kids didn't really seem to absorb it, which I think is for the best. I helped the school compile a quick mailing list to announce the news and to coordinate backup child care for the kids. It wasn't much, but I at least felt useful.

That's me 2nd from left, Maija on the right

Today when I woke up, the news hit me and I hoped it was a bad dream. As it turns out, this is the new normal, and I will have to learn to accept it.

Maija was such a shining light, and she truly, truly loved my child as well as all of those in her care. I never saw her in a bad mood. She was such an amazing, inspiring teacher. My daughter gave her the best possible foundation of education, leadership, and compassion. I broke down in the car yesterday as I recalled Lu's little voice from the back seat, repeating what she'd learned at school that day. "Mommy, some people have brown skin like Miss Maija, and some people have tan skin like me. But we are all the same in our hearts. And we're all special."

When a new girl arrived at the daycare, Lu at first had a difficult time adjusting. She complained to Miss Maija that she was no longer the only Smart Start princess. Maija's response was so perfect. She told Lu that now she was the queen, and she had to be an ambassador to the new princess, and show her the rules. This was absolutely the best way to approach the situation with my princess-obsessed daughter. All this on the fly with other children competing for her attention. When Maija called me to relay the story, my eyes flooded with tears to have found such a compassionate woman and role model to teach my child.

One more story about the amazing legacy Maija has left. This Christmas, I made a few canvas bags with a photo from Lucy and her friend Max's photo printed on them. Lu was helping me to wrap them. I got out the wrapping paper and started to cut when Lu said to me, "Mommy, these bags are empty. Miss Maija and Miss T need supplies for the school so that the kids can do art. We need to fill the bags with glue sticks, paper, stickers scissors, and glitter." I was so proud of Lu and of everything her school had taught her. We stopped wrapping to drive to the store and pick up the supplies, and her teachers loved the gift.

This morning, I realized that I actually had to function today. I signed up to volunteer at Boys and Girls Club, to show them how to use some GoldieBlox toys I purchased for them through a grant from the Mitchell Institute. I am going today because I know that Maija would have wanted me to be strong for those kids.

Lu's current school had their big fundraiser on Saturday, for which I coordinated the silent auction. I had several emails to follow up to make sure everyone got their items, on top of an already busy week including a conference. So I made a rare choice. I decided to ask for help.

This morning, I emailed 2 parents to explain about Maija's passing, and asked if they might be able to do the auction follow up. They both accepted without hesitation.

Then I rushed downstairs to get Lu out the door for school. I searched frantically for my water bottle, knowing I was already late to drop her off. I couldn't locate my usual plastic squeeze bottle, but what I found instead was even better.

My eyes landed upon a gift bag. A local friend and mindfulness speaker Kate had gifted me a lovely glass water bottle inside last week when she came to speak at my company. It was aptly labeled full circle.

How perfect a circle this is, I thought. My daycare provider friend asked me for help yesterday dealing with the loss of her friend and business partner, and I dropped everything to help. This morning, I was helped twice, by my parent friends and by Kate, who allowed me to stay hydrated today. It helped me so much to cope with my sadness by helping out my daycare provider. It feels good to help.

So please, don't hesitate to ask for help. What you need is right in front of you.

Feeling terrible? Awesome? Just wait a minute ...

I've been reading and thinking a lot about mindfulness and Buddhist teachings lately. I think the cold, snowy winter brings out my retrospective side. The short days and lack of sunlight put me into a funk that even my happy light is challenged to disrupt. Here I sit, bracing for yet another snowstorm to disrupt my schedule.

That's my car in the middle, under all the snow

Soul searching, while uncomfortable at times, helps me to further internalize transformative messages. Like the idea that pain is inevitable, but so is joy. It takes a certain amount of discomfort to achieve a breakthrough like this. It's one thing to hear a message, and think that you get it. I love to pretend that I know it all, when reality suggests that I'm learning more about how to be my true self each day. It's quite routine that just when I think I have something all figured out, that same lesson comes back to hit me over the head a few more times until I think I might break.

So, here I sit with my quiet discomfort. Realizing that just around the corner from a painful transition will be rays of sunshine and warmth. The joy is just as transient, so I intend to enjoy every moment.

Sunset at Ft. Myers Beach

What are you sorry for?

I've recently become more conscious of my previously unnoticed apologizing. A senior female colleague at work pointed it out to me, and I was able to minimize my use of the words "I'm sorry" and "I apologize." But I found myself continuing to use an apologetic tone at times, especially at work.

Take this week. I have been battling the usual wintertime illnesses, and hit a breaking point on Tuesday. I took a sick day. When I returned to the office, I began an overdue email to several colleagues waiting on me.

I began my draft, "I'm sorry." Then I paused. Was I really sorry? I was sorry to have been sick, and apologetic if my illness had interrupted their schedules. But did I really need to be sorry in this case?

I thought. I regrouped. I typed:

And you know what? Everyone was happy to have me back, and no one called me out for not directly apologizing.

My apology should not be given lightly. The only time I should apologize is if I have truly hurt someone. So I am banning mundane apologies starting now. I'm waiting to hear that something that I did hurt someone before I apologize. In the past I've said to a friend, "sorry I didn't get back to your email for two days." But maybe they weren't waiting on me. I will first ask them if my delay caused any inconvenience. If I suspect that it's a timely question, I will check in with a status, such as "I don't think I can get to this until Friday. Please let me know if that's a problem."

Can you replace I'm sorry with an explanation? I find that most times, I can.

Because I am just not sorry anymore.

Where was I going?

'Tis the season for reflection. So, not surprisingly, my mind drifted to my year last week as I was swimming laps in the company pool. Maybe it had something to do with the kick board I was using, Dory from Finding Nemo pondering, "Where was I going?"

Fortunately, I have a slightly better memory than Dory. I recalled my 4 career goals of 2014:

1. Find a new job that involves design thinking
2. Get a raise
3. Speak at an event
4. Blog 50 times

Research shows that you achieve better results by writing down your goals each year. Therefore, I pick a very few personal goals and a few career-related goals each year. 

So, how'd I do?

1. I started a new job at my company in April on a team heavily invested in market research and thoroughly understanding customers. I participated in a persona research project.
2. Not only did I receive a raise exceeding my goal, I also was promoted.
3. I conceived, pitched, wrote and presented the Quarterlife Crisis in November. It was so well received that I'm planning to present to new groups of colleagues.
4. Mainly thanks to National Blog Posting Month in November, this is my 64th blog post. I've received well over twice the amount of views I expected for an inaugural year of blogging, and the direction and goals of my blog have evolved. I aim to share tidbits of wisdom and things I've found to enrich my life in the hopes that my readers will benefit.

I still have so much to learn about life. Like how not to wake up at 3:30 am to bake Christmas cookies for today's holiday party at work. My daughter is so much like me (just like the Ben Folds song) that she was up at 5 am helping to decorate. 

Maybe that will be my 2015 goal, to try to relax more and enjoy each moment. That certainly will be a challenge.

Reflections

It's the final day of National Blog Posting month, or #NaBloPoMo as it's often called on Twitter or Facebook. I am glad I gave it a try. Thanks to the exercise of writing regularly, I think that my ideas generated other ideas. I also felt a bit freer than usual to write a post about a small moment or idea than I have previously. My idea of what was worthy of a blog post certainly changed.

It was a worthwhile experiment that I hope has made me a better blogger and writer. It was also less stressful than I feared, since I had several drafts and scheduled posts to help me through busy work weeks. For any current or want-to-be bloggers out there, I think a month of writing daily is worth trying.

I definitely plan to post more frequently, though I don't think it will be anywhere near the frequency of November. I am even more in awe of local daily blogger Casey of Life With Roozle, who inspired me to give NaBloPoMo on a whim after reading her tips. Casey has blogged daily for 2 years!

As I reflect on my blogging experience this past month, please enjoy this reflection I captured on our holiday weekend trip to New Hampshire.

The first snowfall is so beautiful. There's no snow in Boston yet, but it will be here soon enough.

Sunday is for

Sunday is for sleeping in.

Sunday is for easing into your day.

Sunday is for getting ready slowly, unhurried. No rush.

Sunday is for yoga.

Sunday is for brunch.

Sunday is for making plans.

Sunday is for catching up.

Sunday is for naps.

Sunday is for resting, relaxing.

Sunday is for rehearsing.

Sunday is for football.

Sunday is for feeling grateful.

Sunday is for repose.

Do you have enough margin in your week?

Who has two thumbs, and gets up from a weekend afternoon nap, restless and sleepless, to hyperlink her LinkedIn profile?

Lately, I have been full of words, thoughts, ideas. I love that. I think that the #NaBloPoMo effort is contributing to my frenzy. I will let my mind wander, and then get an idea. One of the first things I think is, "I can blog about that!" But I really need to fight the urge to be productive, or too productive.

It's hard to harness the passion. When I had a morning off this weekend I wanted to get ahead, and drafted nearly a dozen posts to schedule for later in the month. All the things. I have to work hard to contain the energy and direct it to causes that matter to me, and allow myself to turn off sometimes. Margin, or downtime, for me means that maybe I don't need to have 12 blog posts scheduled in case I run out of ideas. Maybe 4 will suffice.

I realize that I need uncommitted space in my life, so that I can say yes to the stuff that really matters. Like my career. Like spending time with my husband and daughter. Giggling on the couch watching vintage Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, like we did last night. Like volunteering for my daughter's school. Like exercising and writing.

One of the bloggers I follow, Michael Hyatt, has some excellent tips on how to create more margin in your life. I think it's worth a listen, or a re-listen, each time I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. I have a busy week coming up: taking off of work tomorrow to spend time with my husband on his birthday, which means compressing 5 days worth of work into 4. I'm also making a couple of big presentations later in the week. But it's time to take a deep breath. I've got this.

Cast off the friction!

I recently went out for a walk in an area of Boston that I don't visit very often, the North End. I enjoyed an amazing Italian-inspired lunch, a nice glass of wine, read my book club book, and generally relaxed. The only bummer was that, on the way to the restaurant, I started to feel an unpleasant sensation on the inside of my heel. Despite wearing some casual, sneaker-like shoes that I thought would be comfortable, they were starting to really rub my feet the wrong way. Fortunately, I had driven my car to the area, and I had a spare pair of sneakers in the trunk. After lunch, I slowly made my way back to my car, opened the trunk, and changed into new socks and comfortable sneakers.

Instantly, I felt relieved. The pain was gone! Unfortunately, I had a nickel size blister on the inside of my left foot. My other foot in the same spot was worn pretty red, but did not blister.

Walking to my next destination, I felt as light as air. The friction had been removed! It made me feel as if this blister can be seen as a metaphor. Are there areas of your life where some unneeded friction is getting in your way and interfering with your life? Like the princess and the pea, is there a small obstacle you can remove to make things go more smoothly? Think about if there's a simple step that you can take to address this impediment. Although that may be a difficult, or unpleasant situation to resolve, keep the end game in your mind. Too, too, will feel as light as air, and walk as if you could run for miles, once this problem is out of the way.

What did you do today that scares you?

Eleanor Roosevelt famously gave the advice to "do one thing every day that scares you." That's a tall order, Eleanor. How is one supposed to carve out the time to make a daring decision, not just monthly or weekly, but daily? In our always-on, always connected world, it's easy to do something scary but ill advised: a dissenting comment on Facebook or an inflammatory tweet, perhaps. Surely running into oncoming traffic would get my adrenaline going, but I don't believe that is what the former First Lady had in mind. So I would add a huge caveat to this advice, to make sure that the thing you choose is not dangerous but useful. The greater challenge is not to make a scary choice with such regularity, but to carefully choose a task or step that will not just scare you, but bring greater benefits.

What might a scary but useful choice look like? Maybe it's a feat of strength that catapults you out of your boring gym routine. Or you could speak up in a meeting without having all of your points carefully crafted in your head. How about merely taking a detour from your usual route home to see if it's faster?

My perfectionist tendencies often get in the way of taking a calculated risk. In an uncharacteristic move, I took a chance last week and was pleasantly surprised with the results. One of the many amazing benefits my company offers is an indoor pool. I've been swimming laps at least a couple of times per week since I started. I never belonged to a swim team but I love the water, and was a lifeguard and taught sailing. So, with little formal training, my technique is a bit lacking. I'd gaze over in wonder at the more advanced swimmers doing the flip turns in the lanes next to me and wish that I knew how to do it.

Last week, I decided that I would give it a try, even though I had no idea what I was doing. I fretted as I approached the wall, wondering if I would hit it with enough force to bruise my face and my ego. Then, at the last second, I flipped over, kicked off of the wall, and surfaced, almost in one smooth motion! I grinned, well, as much as one can while rhythmically breathing, and tried it again. My turns haven't all gone as well as that first one went, but I haven't completely missed one, either. I'm enjoying the opportunity to improve my flips with each swimming session. 

Swimming-themed birthday card from my friend at work

Thinking back to the last time I took a chance in a physical sense, I was on a yoga retreat last autumn and did a supported wheel pose. It was the first time I'd gone into the position and the feeling of dropping back while my head was upside down was terrifying. I was grateful for my supportive yogis and instructor, but I was not at all comfortable with being upside down. However, I felt accomplished after I finished. 

I'm sure I didn't look nearly as graceful

These have both been such positive experiences. I hope that I the next time I try something new it will not take me nearly a year. I am sure that there are plenty of other opportunities to do something that, while a bit frightening at first, will turn out to be rewarding. 

What are you holding you back on based on some preconceived notion that you don't have the information, power, permission, or experience to do it right? Jump right in, the water's fine!

More on mindfulness

I just finished a book, 10% Happier by Dan Harris, that helped evolve my perspective on mindfulness. I won't hold it against Harris that he attended my alma mater's arch nemesis Colby College. He had some interesting things to say on mindfulness. He started out as very skeptical and critical of Zen attitudes and meditation, and ended up on a transformative journey that led him to write this memoir. He embraced the parts of mindfulness that worked for him and left the rest. Harris's final view on meditation evolved into a very self-serving model. Yet how could he avoid this when he is hawking books on meditation for profit?

What resonated with me the most was Harris's struggle with a Zen mindset conflicting with his ambition. He finally comes to the conclusion that "Striving is fine, as long as it's tempered by the realization that, in an entropic universe, the final outcome is out of your control."

A mindfulness misconception I've encountered is that being mindful means ignoring your responsibilities, or burning your to do list. Rather, mindfulness to me means being grateful for what you have in the present moment and compartmentalizing and letting the other stuff go, while still dealing with your to do list over time. It will always be there waiting for you. But the precious moments of life won't, if you ignore them. Mindfulness is realizing the impermanence of every moment, and bearing witness. It's tempting to live elsewhere, to judge yourself on past accomplishments or tasks done. Just as seductive is falling into the expectations trap of "I'll just be happy when ... [insert accomplishment, coveted purchase, etc.]." Isn't that type of happiness always fleeting, though?

I've had a lot of important pieces of my life up in the air over the last several months: where I live, work, and send my daughter to school. Struggling through these challenges, all of which were not totally under my control, allowed me to practice my mindfulness. This was not an easy time for me, though I feel very fortunate that everything turned out better than I could have hoped. Now, on the other side of these changes, I can see that my daily worry was not fruitful, and that time could have been better spent practicing gratitude. Still, that type of judgement about my past thought process is not very Zen, either. I can only resolve to remind myself to ask, "Is this thought useful?" as worries inevitably enter my consciousness going forward.

I tend to think of my setbacks in my life like a mosquito, an annoying, buzzing sound that will go away if I swat at it or ignore it. But that's a short sighted approach, and I find the same issues keep popping up over and over. As Buddhist nun Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” (recently quoted by Kate Hanley at Ms. Mind Body). In cases like this, it's important to assess what this challenge is trying to teach me? Maybe it's two steps forward, one step back for a good reason.

How to make technology a little less intrusive

In my quest to be more mindful, I try to limit the amount of time I spend on my devices. If you're not quite ready to give up social media for Lent, here is an idea that helps me to minimize my time spent on devices.

I hate all the alerting, dinging, ringing, and beeping of notifications from Gmail, Outlook, Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. It's push marketing, and I'm a much bigger fan of pull marketing. I prefer to check in with my various networks on my own terms, not theirs. On my iPhone, I found the constant noises and numbers so intrusive that, with the help of my brother the Mac expert, I turned off the sounds and the Badge App Icon. That's the little number in the corner of your app, and it ticks upward incessantly, quickly inducing panic (at least to me). I'll provide detailed instructions here in case you want to turn yours off, too. It works similarly on an iPad.

First, go to the Settings app. Click on Notification Center.

Go to mail (or gmail, or whatever app for which you do not want to see the Badge App Icon. Turn off whatever problematic alerts you want to stop seeing, including Badge App Icon, Sounds, and Show in Notifications Center. I've included a screenshot of turning these off of my LinkedIn app.

I hope this tip helps you dictate your usage of social media on your own terms and reduces your in-person interruptions.

Edited to add: here's a great incentive to put down your phone! The UNICEF clean water project will donate clean water to people in need for every 10 minutes you go without touching your phone.

When a door closes, a window opens

I've had, by any standard, a hectic schedule in the past couple of years. I had a busy job at an awesome tech company and a 2 year old in 2011 when I began an 18-month MBA program structured for full-time employees, the Northeastern University high tech MBA. Halfway through the program, I took on an even more demanding job that is a 70-mile round trip from my house. While I successfully got through this period and am forever grateful for these amazing opportunities, my constant need to accomplish it all induced a panic-like sense of always feeling strapped for time. I knew I had to break out of this PTSD-like feeling to reach the next stage of my life. However, I was perplexed about how to initiate this change.

I began my first, tentative steps with mindfulness in December of 2012, when a missed step almost changed my life. I was walking down icy concrete steps at my condo building with my mind fully engaged in my financial documents (a P&L and 5-year projections) due for my strategy paper the next day. I missed a step and somersaulted down half a flight of stairs to the pavement. Thankfully, a kind neighbor rescued me and my nurse friend and neighbor checked me out. No harm was done, other than the awesome shiner I wore to class like a badge of honor the next day. But it opened my eyes to how critical it is for me to live in the moment. If I didn't, there might not be any more moments left!

I love to swim, and my amazing office has an indoor pool where I can do just that. Swimming laps, and practicing yoga, have been the central ways I've cultivated my mindfulness practice in the last year. However, I could not shake that sense of urgency I carried with me into most situations, always racing to the next task, feeling hopped up on caffeine and jittery even with no coffee in sight, even when the situation didn't call for action. I thought I'd had a pretty good handle on how to be mindful. After all, last year I listened to an audiobook about it called Get Some Headspace, so I crossed it off my list and moved on. However, mindfulness is not something you can check off your to-do list. It's come to me slowly, in moments, over several years.

In the last month, given the many transitions in my life right now, I have sought out ways in which I can be more mindful. I've read a few books lately that have been hugely influential. Thich Nhat Hanh has some amazing work: Peace Is Every Step, Anger, and Work. For working moms and motherhood, I recommend Maxed Out, American Moms on the Brink by Katrina Alcorn (and her blog), Hands-Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford (and her blog), The Complete Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali, and Jennifer Senior's book All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood (and related article Why Mom's Time is Different from Dad's Time). I think the shock of how much I related to Alcorn's cautionary tale, combined with the practical advice of Hanh and Stafford, offering easy ways to ignore your distractions and live in the moment, finally resonated with me. Just like with any other change, no one can tell you how to be mindful, you need to come to it on your own. I was not sold on its benefits until I started practicing it more.

Getting a change of scenery over a recent long weekend allowed me to cultivate my newly learned mindfulness. For example, I had the opportunity to drive alone. Normally I'd listen to an audiobook the whole time, eager to multitask and cross a few books off of my ever-growing list. I decided to enjoy the silence, feeling the car accelerate and slow, to examine the road and the new, yet familiar, Maine scenery. I felt calmer, more composed, after exiting the car. Though I imagine this had something to do with the more courteous Maine drivers, I felt invigorated to keep at it. I went to a bookstore and sipped chamomile and lavendar tea while devouring some of the readings I mentioned earlier. I enjoyed a conversation with my family about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Given my personality, surrendering control has been the biggest challenge. I like to run the show, no question. Realizing that I can't, and don't, has been a huge comfort to me. Whether or not I fret over every little detail or truly enjoy a laugh with my daughter, the day passes too quickly. It's always a better day if I approach it with gratitude, energy, and a positive spirit. I feel that only when I open myself up to the universe as a vulnerable being, ready to be guided, do truly great things come my way.  Forcing a situation to present itself to me is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. Just this week, an amazing opportunity came along that I believe came my way because of my new attitude.

I'm not fully Zen yet. I'm not sure if anyone ever truly is. But I'm enjoying the ride much more fully. I hope you enjoy my new mantra as much as I do:

Compared to what?

Perspective. It's an easy concept to grasp: What looks one way to one person, looks another to someone else, depending on their background and beliefs. The idea of perspective also brings in one's attitude. An optimistic mindset can really be an asset when confronting change. Fortunately, I am an eternal optimist.

I was having an especially difficult day yesterday when I stumbled upon the story of Katherine Stone of Atlanta who had driven 11 hours in the recent snowstorm to get to her kids. She explained how people with no jackets (because it doesn't get cold in Atlanta) had to abandon their cars and walk for hours. I stopped, reset my attitude, and gained some perspective. That's actually a parenting trick I've used in the past on my daughter: "I can see you're having a rough time, so can you please try to change your attitude?" I didn't realize it would work on me.

It's an old saying that bad news comes in threes and sevens. While I'm not superstitious, I have sometimes found this idiom to hold true. I'm dealing with my own sets of threes and sevens this month: my grandmother's death, as well as the personal tragedies of a long lost friend on Facebook, and a dear colleague. Add to this other concerns such as work rumors, repairing my condo, and the uncertainty of school and where to live, and I've got seven. Seven issues to keep my brain occupied, searching them over and over as if I'm panning for gold and if I think if I just think about it the right way, I'll come up with a gold nugget of an answer.

When things I've taken for granted suddenly change, I attempt to look at it as an opportunity. However, I am such a planner that I find it enormously challenging to remain steadfast in the face of change. Taking time off from my normal routine to reflect really helps. So does reading the wise words of Thích Nhất Hạnh. 

But other times, nothing helps. I have to just sit with my unsettled feelings and have faith that the right answer, the right course of action for me and my family, is going to become clear if I just hang in there. I love these words that Robin Roberts spoke at the MA Conference for Women in December 2013: "When fear knocks, let faith answer the door." Well, hello, fear. You don't scare me. I am equipped with the experience, the resilience, and the determination to keep on keepin' on.

The view from the eye of the storm

It was a long night. Lu came down with the stomach bug that's been going around. Thankfully she is resting comfortably now, alongside her dad who stayed up most of the night with her. One of the hardest things I've had to do as a parent is to watch my child struggle with discomfort or pain.

I've felt uncomfortable and unsettled a lot these days. As a Boston resident, we have to enter into a lottery system to determine which school Lu is assigned to for kindergarten. I've watched many friends receive a coveted slot in a good school, or a reputably mediocre placing that ended up happily surprising them. However, I've seen many other families leave the city in droves or go the private school route. After an amazing preschool experience, we will move before accepting a spot we are uncomfortable with. Last year, we opted for another year of paid preschool rather than take a spot that would be a 45 minute bus ride across town at a school rated 3 of 10 on Great Schools where the parents are asked to supply the toilet paper.

Regrettably, this random system also affects where we will live. Boston has become our home over the last 12 years. Most of our good friends live here, and I feel shaken at the thought of selling our condo and moving to a town with better schools. And which one, where to start?! It has been so hard for me not to have a 5 or 10 year plan, let alone a 1 year plan. I'm trying to embrace this unknown future as a new opportunity to create the life my family and I envision.

We mark the passage of time with these arbitrary measurements: seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years. Amid the current upheaval of my daily existence, I've tried to focus less on the passage of time and more on the moments. Holding my daughter close while she finally naps after a long night of sleeplessness. Smiling to see that I've received a message from a friend. Creating content to share with my family and friends, finally releasing the torrent of words that I didn't realize I'd been stifling by not writing.

Most importantly, focusing on the moments helps me to be the person I strive to teach my daughter to be. I can have a bit of a temper and impatient personality, probably inherited from my mom and her Irish roots. I know you're readings this, so thanks, mom! Fortunately, this is balanced by my dad's stoic English stock. My dad taught me to be patient and kind. I remember he admonished me as an adult for not stopping to greet some workers outside my building. Never forgo an opportunity to be nice to someone, he said. My dad proudly displays posters around his house with adages like "lost time is never found again" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My advice to myself is displayed on my fridge in magnet form: "Be kind. No exceptions. -Secret Agent L." I may not know where we'll live or where my daughter will go to school next year, and that is a scary thought to me. But if I can enter into this journey showing grace and compassion to everyone I encounter, I will be better off for it.

Confessions of a former perfectionist

I was reading HuffingtonPost yesterday and came across this article on Type A personalities. I laughed and shared it with my friends because it was so like me (except the fatalism part, I tend not to obsess over nightmare scenarios and am an eternal optimist). But I do embody many Type A and perfectionist qualities, such as impatience, stubbornness, and frequent multitasking. And, as you'll learn in some of my upcoming posts, I am a ruthless time and task manager.

I struggle to think of my days with any perspective other than a race to conquer my never-ending to-do list. However, just like Sisyphus and his rock, the tasks keep mounting and I keep plowing through them. On a Monday, I challenge myself to check off as many tasks as possible to add a buffer to the remainder of my week. I recycle emails in an effort to write something well once and reuse it. On a weekend, I try to defy the space-time continuum, dropping off a donation to Savers (and shopping a little), sailing through the grocery store, then getting back in time for the plumber to install the garbage disposal.

In an effort to break out of my habits, I did 2 things differently this week. At work, when I would have used a boilerplate email to get updates from 7 colleagues on the same project, I paused. I pictured each colleague at his desk in Atlanta, London, Milan, Bellevue, Baton Rouge, Herzliya, and Paris. I crafted each message to what I knew about the person, and tried to cater each message to that person in that moment. It took a little longer, sure, but I was more satisfied with the result. I had made a human connection, not just checked off a box.

The second came when I had the pleasure of a quiet lunch out by myself. Normally I come armed with a book and my iPhone, eager to immerse myself in another world. On this day, however, I sat quietly, savoring the food, noticing its temperature, consistency, flavor. I sipped chai tea and enjoyed the navaratan korma. I reacted to the music, favoring the Bollywood hits to the traditional style Indian music. I imagined the conversations of the friends seated 2 tables away, and invented stories about the life of the other sole patron. I had a few moments where I wanted to reach for my phone and scan my Facebook or Twitter feeds, but I resisted. And breathed.

Am I going to become a laid-back, relaxed, go with the flow type of person? Never in a million years; it defies my identity. But more and more, I am learning to enjoy small pleasures such as a genuine email thank you from a colleague. Or sitting quietly with my thoughts rather than worry about what else I want to accomplish that day. My worth and contributions are so much more than a series of checked-off boxes.