You can turn it off?

I'm a big advocate of going on vacation. I'm fortunate to work for a company with a generous vacation policy and I never leave any on the table. Going on vacation, especially to a new place, inspires me, gives me much-needed time to reconnect with family and friends, and leaves me feeling enegerized and excited about coming back to work.

Ft. Myers Beach, my most recent vacation

However, I find it critical to really unplug during my short time away from the office. My key colleagues have my mobile phone number, so they can always reach me in an emergency. I'd rather just sort through my inbox upon my return than sift through a bunch of work-related mails while on the beach. It just stresses me out to know every detail of what's going on, and I'd rather be present at my vacation location: maybe people watch or become engrossed in my latest beach read.

I've written previously about how to turn off the annoying badge app icons on your iPhone. Today's tip is how you can completely turn off your work email and calendar so that you don't get pop-up notifications for meetings that are happening during your absence.

First, go to Settings > Mail, Contacts, Calendars. 

Click on your account (e.g., if you have Microsoft, it's Exchange).

Slide the green bar to the left to temporarily deactivate your mail, calendar, or reminders.

Then, just reverse the process on your first day back in the office.

I hope this allows you to enjoy your vacation time off to its fullest extent!

My to do lists

I've been accused of being a very, even hyper-, organized person. Guilty as charged.

As a consequence, I have a system for everything.

Take my to-do list.

My systems all stem from Peter Bregman's system 18 Minutes. I choose 5 areas of annual focus. I might adjust or modify a few of these based on my job-related goals, but they are generally focused around 3 work projects, education, and family.

My version looks like this.

Then, I have 3 ways to track action items or other tasks to be done, to make sure I am completing the items in my 5 areas of focus.

1. Track in notebook 

In my work spiral notebook (yes, actual paper!), I write a minus sign next to each item that is actionable. I take notes in meetings and conversations related to work that will need to get done. After I finish or schedule the item, I cross it off to turn it into a plus sign. Every week or so I look through my notebook to ensure that I don't have any minuses left to take care of.

2. Schedule in calendar

For a short project, something I can complete in a couple of hours or fewer, I block time off as an appointment through my calendar, Microsoft Outlook. I integrate both personal and professional commitments in one calendar for my sanity's sake.

3. Phone task list

For something routine that needs to get done, such as an oil change, I add this as a reminder or task in my phone's task list. If I am feeling particularly busy I will even add reminders like catching up with friends here, so I don't forget to check in.

What systems work best for you to manage your time? Leave me a comment!

How to survive and thrive through the quarterlife crisis

A week ago today, I gave a presentation about work/life balance at my company. It's my version of a TED talk, though it ran a bit longer than your average TED talk and surely won't get as many views. I positioned the talk as the quarterlife crisis, because I felt it was critical to establish with my audience my past history of having my work-life balance out of whack.

I am so relieved that the talk went flawlessly! Even the interactive polls and the WebEx behaved. The best part was that after, dozens of coworkers took the time to thank, congratulate, and tell me how my tips would help them to integrate their life into their work.

Please feel free to check out my presentation.

This is my slide deck.

Here's a list of tips for reducing stress throughout your workday.

And, finally, here's to a better work-life balance for all!

Another conference call tip

Back in August I blogged about saving conference call numbers in your phone. This is an excellent way to use frequently dialed conference calls from your phone.

Today, I want to let you in on a work etiquette tip so that your colleagues can easily access your meetings from the go. The best news is that it's super easy to do.

In Outlook or from your meeting on your iPhone, use the location field to hyperlink your conference call.

Type the conference call dial-in number, and then add either a pause, which displays as a comma, or wait, which displays as a semicolon. According to this blog, a pause stops the dialing for 2 seconds, and the wait does not proceed until you enter more numbers. They both seem to work, but I use pause. After the pause, type the PIN or attendee ID of the conference call number. Then add the pound sign and save. It should look like this.

Now your meeting attendees can easily open your meeting on their phone. They click on the hyperlink in the field and the phone does the rest. Just hope that your colleagues return your courtesy and record their names so that everyone else can stop listening to the dreaded "BEEP ... Name Not Recorded" message. Tomorrow's conference call tip will explain how you can avoid that in your meetings going forward.

Time-saving conference call tip

If you're like me, you spend a lot of time on conference calls. Inevitably, some of these are conducted on the go, often with 1 minute or less to spare between hanging up from one call and dialing into the next.

I have found that I save a lot of hassle, time, and frustration by saving conference call numbers in my phone ahead of time. It works like this:

1. Create a new contact. Add the bridge/dial in number.

2. Press the symbol button in the lower left-hand corner. Add either a pause, which displays as a comma, or wait, which displays as a semicolon. According to this blog, a pause stops the dialing for 2 seconds, and the wait does not proceed until you enter more numbers. They both seem to work, but I use pause.

3. Type the PIN or attendee ID of the conference call number. Add the pound sign (or hash key for my British friends) if needed for your call. Save the contact.

That's it! I have saved a contact for my conference call number as chairperson, attendee. I have saved dozens of other contacts for anyone I regularly chat with on conference calls.

Now for some fun. Here are my two favorite comedy bits on conference calls: David Grady's the conference call and If a conference call happened in real life. Enjoy!

Productivity hacks

I've had a lot of people ask me how I was able to graduate with honors from a rigorous MBA program while parenting a young child and getting promoted in my career. I made a few missteps along the way, but ultimately I've learned a lot about efficiency and delegation in that almost two-year time frame. I will summarize it here in the hopes you glean a tip or two that helps you.

My favorite app for managing my school notes is Evernote. I organized my notebooks by semester with tags for course names and subjects. You can use Evernote to photograph and record, too. The app also works great for saving tax information like charitable receipts; just tag them with taxes and the year.

I save any emails of appreciation in a Thank You email folder, and I use this to track my work accomplishments in a quarterly basis. I include verbal feedback using the Job Journal format suggested by the Essential Pay Raise workbook for Women at Work Options (please note my affiliate status).

Managing your to-do list, rather than letting it manage you, is a tricky proposition. I use the built-in task list on my iPhone for stuff that needs to get done but not this week. I schedule items such as making a phone call into my daily schedule in Outlook.

For my overall areas of focus at home, school or work, I employ Peter Bregman's 18 minutes 6-box to-do list. The format keeps me on track. I re-do it every week or so, rather than every day.

Another time management tool I love is the Pomodoro technique. I was able to write the draft of all of my graduate school essays in 1 25-minute period of focus. I still had to revise them, but it took a lot less time than if I hadn't set a timer.

Another cool tool I've used with success is Doodle. This easy scheduling tool allows you to pick the optimal date for an event among many busy people without sending 50 emails back and forth.

What time management tools do you find most effective?

Secrets of a busy mom

Well, they're not secrets exactly. More like Stuff I Learned the Hard Way. Mostly through experience and trial and error. And also through my amazing moms' forum hosted on Big Tent.

Rather than keeping separate calendars, I find that a shared calendar of everything going on in my life works best. I have the same 24 hours each day and some work time bleeds into home time and vice versa, so tracking everything in one spot makes sense. This Business Insider article supports this philosophy. I use Google Calendar sync to send all of my Outlook calendar appointments to my Google calendar so my husband can see what I'm up to. Make sure to set up a 1-way sync if you attempt this, as I think my 2-way sync broke the internet back in 2011.

I can't say enough about how telecommuting has made my life easier! Pat Katepoo's site Work Options (please note I am an affiliate) sets the gold standard on how to win over even the strictest boss on the merits of telecommuting. Her system couldn't be simpler or more effective.

Delegating the hundreds of chores I have has been key to being able to focus on the right things. If you live in Boston, you can post for a mother's helper on the BU jobs board. Having the extra help with housework makes me feel less pressure to spend evenings cleaning up. 3 hours a week seems to be enough to keep the laundry, dishes, clutter, etc. at bay. If you have a local college or high school students nearby, see if they want to earn some extra money by helping you with the laundry or dishes. A regular (twice a month) cleaning service is also a luxury upon which I've grown dependent.

I also get help in the cooking department from the food delivery service Cooking from the Heart. It costs under $200 for nearly a month's worth of dinners delivered to us. If you prefer to cook yourself, save some shopping time by using a grocery delivery service like Peapod.

I also use the site Task Rabbit for small errands. I've had people help organize my condo, clean before a party, insulate my windows, and install a microwave. This code PAL18413 gives you $10 off your first task!

Give some thought to whether your schedule is working for or against you. For my husband and me, splitting the schedule works best. I leave the house at 5 am to beat traffic and get to the gym (my commute is 50 minutes). He drops our daughter off at daycare at 7 and heads to work. Since I start work at 7, I can leave between 3:30 and 4 for my 50-60 min. commute home. I pick our daughter up and come home. For the pickup, I carpool with a mom who goes to our daycare and keep 2 carseats in my car. Brainstorm creative ways you can ease the stress of pressure points like daycare pickup in your schedule.

For the small amount of time spent with family in the evening, I try to just turn off or ignore my phone and enjoy that time. I like to make the bath and story time part of our evening ritual.

More on mindfulness

I just finished a book, 10% Happier by Dan Harris, that helped evolve my perspective on mindfulness. I won't hold it against Harris that he attended my alma mater's arch nemesis Colby College. He had some interesting things to say on mindfulness. He started out as very skeptical and critical of Zen attitudes and meditation, and ended up on a transformative journey that led him to write this memoir. He embraced the parts of mindfulness that worked for him and left the rest. Harris's final view on meditation evolved into a very self-serving model. Yet how could he avoid this when he is hawking books on meditation for profit?

What resonated with me the most was Harris's struggle with a Zen mindset conflicting with his ambition. He finally comes to the conclusion that "Striving is fine, as long as it's tempered by the realization that, in an entropic universe, the final outcome is out of your control."

A mindfulness misconception I've encountered is that being mindful means ignoring your responsibilities, or burning your to do list. Rather, mindfulness to me means being grateful for what you have in the present moment and compartmentalizing and letting the other stuff go, while still dealing with your to do list over time. It will always be there waiting for you. But the precious moments of life won't, if you ignore them. Mindfulness is realizing the impermanence of every moment, and bearing witness. It's tempting to live elsewhere, to judge yourself on past accomplishments or tasks done. Just as seductive is falling into the expectations trap of "I'll just be happy when ... [insert accomplishment, coveted purchase, etc.]." Isn't that type of happiness always fleeting, though?

I've had a lot of important pieces of my life up in the air over the last several months: where I live, work, and send my daughter to school. Struggling through these challenges, all of which were not totally under my control, allowed me to practice my mindfulness. This was not an easy time for me, though I feel very fortunate that everything turned out better than I could have hoped. Now, on the other side of these changes, I can see that my daily worry was not fruitful, and that time could have been better spent practicing gratitude. Still, that type of judgement about my past thought process is not very Zen, either. I can only resolve to remind myself to ask, "Is this thought useful?" as worries inevitably enter my consciousness going forward.

I tend to think of my setbacks in my life like a mosquito, an annoying, buzzing sound that will go away if I swat at it or ignore it. But that's a short sighted approach, and I find the same issues keep popping up over and over. As Buddhist nun Pema Chodron says, “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” (recently quoted by Kate Hanley at Ms. Mind Body). In cases like this, it's important to assess what this challenge is trying to teach me? Maybe it's two steps forward, one step back for a good reason.

When a door closes, a window opens

I've had, by any standard, a hectic schedule in the past couple of years. I had a busy job at an awesome tech company and a 2 year old in 2011 when I began an 18-month MBA program structured for full-time employees, the Northeastern University high tech MBA. Halfway through the program, I took on an even more demanding job that is a 70-mile round trip from my house. While I successfully got through this period and am forever grateful for these amazing opportunities, my constant need to accomplish it all induced a panic-like sense of always feeling strapped for time. I knew I had to break out of this PTSD-like feeling to reach the next stage of my life. However, I was perplexed about how to initiate this change.

I began my first, tentative steps with mindfulness in December of 2012, when a missed step almost changed my life. I was walking down icy concrete steps at my condo building with my mind fully engaged in my financial documents (a P&L and 5-year projections) due for my strategy paper the next day. I missed a step and somersaulted down half a flight of stairs to the pavement. Thankfully, a kind neighbor rescued me and my nurse friend and neighbor checked me out. No harm was done, other than the awesome shiner I wore to class like a badge of honor the next day. But it opened my eyes to how critical it is for me to live in the moment. If I didn't, there might not be any more moments left!

I love to swim, and my amazing office has an indoor pool where I can do just that. Swimming laps, and practicing yoga, have been the central ways I've cultivated my mindfulness practice in the last year. However, I could not shake that sense of urgency I carried with me into most situations, always racing to the next task, feeling hopped up on caffeine and jittery even with no coffee in sight, even when the situation didn't call for action. I thought I'd had a pretty good handle on how to be mindful. After all, last year I listened to an audiobook about it called Get Some Headspace, so I crossed it off my list and moved on. However, mindfulness is not something you can check off your to-do list. It's come to me slowly, in moments, over several years.

In the last month, given the many transitions in my life right now, I have sought out ways in which I can be more mindful. I've read a few books lately that have been hugely influential. Thich Nhat Hanh has some amazing work: Peace Is Every Step, Anger, and Work. For working moms and motherhood, I recommend Maxed Out, American Moms on the Brink by Katrina Alcorn (and her blog), Hands-Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford (and her blog), The Complete Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali, and Jennifer Senior's book All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood (and related article Why Mom's Time is Different from Dad's Time). I think the shock of how much I related to Alcorn's cautionary tale, combined with the practical advice of Hanh and Stafford, offering easy ways to ignore your distractions and live in the moment, finally resonated with me. Just like with any other change, no one can tell you how to be mindful, you need to come to it on your own. I was not sold on its benefits until I started practicing it more.

Getting a change of scenery over a recent long weekend allowed me to cultivate my newly learned mindfulness. For example, I had the opportunity to drive alone. Normally I'd listen to an audiobook the whole time, eager to multitask and cross a few books off of my ever-growing list. I decided to enjoy the silence, feeling the car accelerate and slow, to examine the road and the new, yet familiar, Maine scenery. I felt calmer, more composed, after exiting the car. Though I imagine this had something to do with the more courteous Maine drivers, I felt invigorated to keep at it. I went to a bookstore and sipped chamomile and lavendar tea while devouring some of the readings I mentioned earlier. I enjoyed a conversation with my family about Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Given my personality, surrendering control has been the biggest challenge. I like to run the show, no question. Realizing that I can't, and don't, has been a huge comfort to me. Whether or not I fret over every little detail or truly enjoy a laugh with my daughter, the day passes too quickly. It's always a better day if I approach it with gratitude, energy, and a positive spirit. I feel that only when I open myself up to the universe as a vulnerable being, ready to be guided, do truly great things come my way.  Forcing a situation to present itself to me is like trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. Just this week, an amazing opportunity came along that I believe came my way because of my new attitude.

I'm not fully Zen yet. I'm not sure if anyone ever truly is. But I'm enjoying the ride much more fully. I hope you enjoy my new mantra as much as I do:

Compared to what?

Perspective. It's an easy concept to grasp: What looks one way to one person, looks another to someone else, depending on their background and beliefs. The idea of perspective also brings in one's attitude. An optimistic mindset can really be an asset when confronting change. Fortunately, I am an eternal optimist.

I was having an especially difficult day yesterday when I stumbled upon the story of Katherine Stone of Atlanta who had driven 11 hours in the recent snowstorm to get to her kids. She explained how people with no jackets (because it doesn't get cold in Atlanta) had to abandon their cars and walk for hours. I stopped, reset my attitude, and gained some perspective. That's actually a parenting trick I've used in the past on my daughter: "I can see you're having a rough time, so can you please try to change your attitude?" I didn't realize it would work on me.

It's an old saying that bad news comes in threes and sevens. While I'm not superstitious, I have sometimes found this idiom to hold true. I'm dealing with my own sets of threes and sevens this month: my grandmother's death, as well as the personal tragedies of a long lost friend on Facebook, and a dear colleague. Add to this other concerns such as work rumors, repairing my condo, and the uncertainty of school and where to live, and I've got seven. Seven issues to keep my brain occupied, searching them over and over as if I'm panning for gold and if I think if I just think about it the right way, I'll come up with a gold nugget of an answer.

When things I've taken for granted suddenly change, I attempt to look at it as an opportunity. However, I am such a planner that I find it enormously challenging to remain steadfast in the face of change. Taking time off from my normal routine to reflect really helps. So does reading the wise words of Thích Nhất Hạnh. 

But other times, nothing helps. I have to just sit with my unsettled feelings and have faith that the right answer, the right course of action for me and my family, is going to become clear if I just hang in there. I love these words that Robin Roberts spoke at the MA Conference for Women in December 2013: "When fear knocks, let faith answer the door." Well, hello, fear. You don't scare me. I am equipped with the experience, the resilience, and the determination to keep on keepin' on.

What's In Your Inbox?

Are you an empty inboxer? If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you're probably not. I am, and always have been, someone who loves to prune away at her inbox. It's more satisfying to me than pruning hedges or weeding. My goal, which happens infrequently I'll admit, is to have 0 messages in both my personal and my work inbox. Getting to 0 means I have no more obligations or action items, at least as far as my mail is concerned. I love the clean appearance of 0 unread and read messages in my inbox. Nothing to do! It's an illusion, of course, but a welcome one.

I am a compulsive filer of emails. I have 55 labels in Gmail, and 47 folders in Outlook. I was surprised that the number is so similar. I guess my life, both personally and professionally, conveniently breaks down into approximately 50 categories.

I've collected email management tips over the years the way a hobbyist might collect stamps or baseball cards. Beyond the standard folders labeled by subject or product, I use 2 awesome folders. One of my favorites is the Pending Follow Up folder. This is for the email that you can take no further action upon, but that you can't forget about. It might be something that you'll need to remind a person about a few times before they reply. Ultimately, it's something you'll be held responsible for, even if it's someone else who drops the ball, so it's in your best interest to keep track of it. But, it's sitting there cluttering your inbox! Move it to the Pending Follow Up folder, and your problem is solved.

My other favorite email folder is Thank You. Any time a colleague notes something I did well, it goes here. I save up all of this feedback, both verbal (which I save in Excel) and the emails, and track it on a weekly basis. Or monthly when things are too busy. This evidence of my performance comes in handy for quarterly reviews and self assessments at the end of the year. Also, this is a great folder to peruse if you're having a difficult day, to remind you how much of a difference you make.

When's the last time your inbox got to 0? In a stroke of fortuitousness worthy of a blue moon, I'm anticipating that today I'll make it to 0 in both my Outlook and Gmail! Right now I have just 2 mails in each, respectively. I will savor the moment of getting to zero, transient as it might be.

Confessions of a former perfectionist

I was reading HuffingtonPost yesterday and came across this article on Type A personalities. I laughed and shared it with my friends because it was so like me (except the fatalism part, I tend not to obsess over nightmare scenarios and am an eternal optimist). But I do embody many Type A and perfectionist qualities, such as impatience, stubbornness, and frequent multitasking. And, as you'll learn in some of my upcoming posts, I am a ruthless time and task manager.

I struggle to think of my days with any perspective other than a race to conquer my never-ending to-do list. However, just like Sisyphus and his rock, the tasks keep mounting and I keep plowing through them. On a Monday, I challenge myself to check off as many tasks as possible to add a buffer to the remainder of my week. I recycle emails in an effort to write something well once and reuse it. On a weekend, I try to defy the space-time continuum, dropping off a donation to Savers (and shopping a little), sailing through the grocery store, then getting back in time for the plumber to install the garbage disposal.

In an effort to break out of my habits, I did 2 things differently this week. At work, when I would have used a boilerplate email to get updates from 7 colleagues on the same project, I paused. I pictured each colleague at his desk in Atlanta, London, Milan, Bellevue, Baton Rouge, Herzliya, and Paris. I crafted each message to what I knew about the person, and tried to cater each message to that person in that moment. It took a little longer, sure, but I was more satisfied with the result. I had made a human connection, not just checked off a box.

The second came when I had the pleasure of a quiet lunch out by myself. Normally I come armed with a book and my iPhone, eager to immerse myself in another world. On this day, however, I sat quietly, savoring the food, noticing its temperature, consistency, flavor. I sipped chai tea and enjoyed the navaratan korma. I reacted to the music, favoring the Bollywood hits to the traditional style Indian music. I imagined the conversations of the friends seated 2 tables away, and invented stories about the life of the other sole patron. I had a few moments where I wanted to reach for my phone and scan my Facebook or Twitter feeds, but I resisted. And breathed.

Am I going to become a laid-back, relaxed, go with the flow type of person? Never in a million years; it defies my identity. But more and more, I am learning to enjoy small pleasures such as a genuine email thank you from a colleague. Or sitting quietly with my thoughts rather than worry about what else I want to accomplish that day. My worth and contributions are so much more than a series of checked-off boxes.