Little Ms. Crate: gift idea for kids

If you read my blog, you know I'm an active supporter of STEM education, especially when it comes to girls. As a girl, it never occurred to me that working in technology was an option for me because I did not see any women role models. I fell into this field that I love in my mid-20s, but I wish I'd found it sooner. So one of my biggest volunteer missions is to be an active volunteer in my community so girls see that they, too could have a career in tech if they so choose.

Today, I want to share a new crate subscription that was launched recently on Kickstarter.

The service, Little Ms. Crate, introduces young girls to a new career in STEM or leadership each month, and spotlights female role models in the featured field. Crates samples are Little Ms. CEO, Little Ms. Digital Animator, Little Ms. Scientist, etc.

I think it's a great idea and I have supported it. If the venture is funded, then Lu will get a Little Miss CEO kit for Christmas. If you'd like to support the venture, here's a link to the Kickstarter page.

Moms as Mentors Building Bridges workshop

It's been a hectic few weeks at work trying to launch 2 marketing websites, complete with new links and assets. But when I read on my local moms' forum that Moms as Mentors was hosting a STEM mom/daughter bonding event, I decided to take the day off and go with Lucinda. I'm so glad we went.

It was a dreary day as we trudged out to Uncle Chris's prized Saab wagon, a loaner while my reliable-but-worn 10 year-old Camry was in the shop, courtesy of Uncle Chris. After a struggle with locks and a fight with the umbrella (who lost), we were on our way to Dedham.

We were the first participants to arrive, and Lucy made me a lovely name tag.

We visited the amazing science room at the Dedham Country Day School and its classroom pets, turtles. We ran into another JPmom Hillary and her daughter, who brought a friend.

We started the session with a big circle. The organizer kicked off the event with a fun activity where she asked questions such as "who has a purple toothbrush?" and if you fit the description, you ran into the middle of the circle. Then the daughters introduced their moms to everyone in the room.

Our main activity was pairing off with our daughter to build roller coasters for marbles using foam tubing, cardboard, masking tape, and some cardboard. The activity progressed in difficulty. The first challenge was to build a roller coaster that included a hill. Then we were to add a loop. Finally, we tried to incorporate both a hill and a loop.

We got right to work and Lucy started brainstorming. She surprised me with how many creative ideas she offered, and how easy it was to work together on this project. I noticed no resistance, only enthusiasm, as we worked through the various obstacles of the activity.

We finished the hill challenge quickly and set about the loop. We had a few failed attempts, wherein I held the tubing and Lucy let the marble go and she would retrieve it from across the room. I think I impressed her by introducing new vocabulary such as minimum viable product, beta, and testing phase.

On about the 5th or 6th run, we got the loop working. We spent the remainder of our time securing the loop with tape, cardboard, and trying to repeat our early success. Lucy was overjoyed when she got the whole thing working!

I was struck by how fun loving yet determined Lucy was throughout the morning. It struck me, as a scholar of Amy Cuddy and her research on power poses, how after each success, Lucy automatically threw her hands over her head, beaming and exclaiming. I use the power pose and a pep talk as part of my interview preparation, and it is very effective.

We had the chance to recreate the victory pose after we finished our third challenge.

Then we had a few minutes to walk around and admire the other teams' work.

For our final, much shorter, activity, we made bracelets for each other. Each bead was intended to signify something we appreciated in our relative.

At the end of the activity, we filled out surveys and a few participants offered observations. I shared that I was impressed by Lucy's patience. She told the group that she thought I was good at angles. and engineering.

We went to lunch afterward and shared the meanings behind the bracelets we'd made for each other. I told her that hers meant she was a true friend, excellent leader, loved the water, was a princess, had true love and kindness in her heart, and was a hard worker. Her bracelet for me had all sorts of holiday symbolism, and told me I was beautiful, kind, and loving, and a leader.

Don't worry if you missed this event! There's another one right around the corner this Saturday 11/14 in Boston.

Swan Boats field trip

I had the privilege of attending Lu's field trip this week to the Swan Boats in the Public Garden.

We started from the school and took a public bus to the train, then walked over to the public garden.

We spotted a swan right away!

Everyone was well behaved on the boats, and we all managed to stay dry.

We waved hello to the rest of our group on the other boat.

After the ride, we headed over to Boston Common for a picnic.

Then everyone headed over to the playground for an afternoon adventure.

When playtime ended, everyone was feeling pretty silly.

What a lovely day for a field trip!

Stop and smell the roses

Right around Mother's Day this year, I was feeling quite busy and a bit stressed as a consequence. I'd just returned from a long (6 day) business trip with full days and late nights, complete with 8 hours of plane travel each way. I was also gearing up for my daughter's 6th birthday party, which we were hosting at our house. We had to clean the place, assemble favors, decorate, buy snacks and drinks, etc. Add all this to a busy week of work catching up from my week out of the office was a recipe for feeling overwhelmed.

I was so distracted and stuck in the to-do list in my head that I kept putting off taking care of the lovely roses my husband and daughter had bought me for Mother's Day.

In fact, I was absently feeling a bit resentful of having yet another task to do.

Fortunately, I realized how foolish that thought was, and I was able to transform the care of my roses into a mindfulness exercise.

I enjoyed the snapping sound that the bottom of the stems made as I trimmed them carefully at an angle.

I watched the rose food dissolve into the water.

And I inhaled the lovely fragrance of the roses. Blissful.

This only took 5 minutes from my day, but was one of the more relaxing moments. But only because I reframed my perspective and turned my feelings of overwhelm into a more constructive attitude.

What do you have to do tomorrow that you can reframe as a privilege?

Preparing for Christmas

It's (nearly) the most wonderful time of the year. And the most packed. We kicked off our pre-Thanksgiving holiday week with a visit to the Wang Theater for their holiday showcase.

We waited in a very long line to get her face painted.

We posted for photos next to festive decorations.

When the holiday stress rears its ugly head, I'm going to take a deep breath and remember this look of wonder in Lu's eyes.

At the event, they ran out of Rudolph antlers, and she was disappointed. The balloon guy made her a dog instead of a flower, and she was bummed again. 

It was a great teachable moment. 

"Life isn't fair, honey." I told her as we walked to the parking garage.

"That's what my teacher said," she replied.

My husband and I took her shopping that day too. She wanted to own all of the Frozen stuff. Instead, we directed her to buy half of the Frozen stuff for the child in foster care whom we are sponsoring this holiday. We photographed a few items for Santa's list.

An older man in the A.C. Moore noticed, and told us we were doing a great job parenting her. I so appreciated that comment. Parenting is hard. It's awesome to feel like sometimes you are doing something right. Please, when you see a caregiver trying, let them know it. 

And remember, please do not pet the giant Rudolph.

Motherboard podcast

I love a good podcast. It makes commuting, laundry, or any mundane task so much more enjoyable. My go-to listen for years has been Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. I also enjoy Michael Hyatt's podcast on leadership. And who doesn't get a kick out of Dan Savage?

My good friend in the graphic design field recently introduced me to an exciting podcast series for working moms in tech. You can read about it at Motherboard. I listened to my first episode while driving into work this week and walked into my day feeling inspired and motivated. I related to so much of what Jen Myers said, and admired her articulate, authentic replies.

You can view the whole podcast project in iTunes. I'm excited to listen to the entire series!

Farmers' Market Day

Today, I chaperoned Lu's field trip to the farmers' market. Field trips are a fun opportunity for kids to learn more about our community. We were planning to go to the Copley market, but it turns out that it's only there Tuesdays and Thursdays, so we found one open at Haymarket.

It's quite an adventure to take 27 children on public transportation. Luckily, all of our citizens were very friendly to the kids, giving up their seats and letting them go first. Good job, Boston transit riders! Way to set an example for our kids.

When we arrived on the Greenway, we had lunch brought from home. Lucy and I enjoyed her favorite sandwich, peanut butter and jelly, and an apple. Brownies baked by Bryan's coworker's wife made an excellent dessert.

After lunch, the kids played on the grass and got ready for their expedition across the street to the farmers' market.

Lu and 3 of her classmates were assigned to get celery from the market. 

We couldn't find it, so we came back with some rainbow-colored swiss chard. I went back to the market for some swiss chard for dinner, and found some celery hiding under the leeks. More veggies for soup!

 After some more playing in the grass, it was time to take our fruits and vegetables back to school.

All 27 kindergarteners and several tired parents and teachers returned to the school. The kindergarten classes will make fruit salad and soup tomorrow. We had our swiss chard for dinner, delicious!

Typical sick day

Day 4 of no voice, and it's definitely starting to get old. I am a terrible patient, even when I had less going on in my life. I hate to do nothing, so the idea of a tv marathon has little appeal to me. Sleep is boring, and I get restless after a while. So the idea of trying to rest all day always sounds nice in theory, but the execution always falls short. It's also difficult to rest as a caregiver. As an example, I have inventoried my morning this morning below, with parenthetical commentary about how I imagine my day playing out a decade earlier.

1:11 am: wake up, suggest to husband who fell asleep on the couch watching the late football game to go upstairs to bed (-10: same)
4:15 am: wake up coughing, eventually settle back to sleep (-10: same)
6:18 am: wake up to 5 year old singing the ABCs at the top of her lungs as she washes her hands. Teaching her to sing the ABCs while washing her hands seemed like a good idea at the time so she'd wash for the requisite 20 seconds. Going to have to work on volume. (-10: still sleeping)
6:20 am: roll over, hoping to go back to sleep. (-10: still sleeping)
6:30 am: give up, make sure kid is alive, and fed. Thanks, hubby (-10: still sleeping)
6:40 am: jump in shower, hoping the steam will help clear out my sinuses (-10: still sleeping)
7:05 am: get dressed. Frantically search backpack and internet for November school lunch menu, which is nowhere to be found. Finally get it from google, post it on school website for other parents in same boat (-10: still sleeping)
7:15 am: convince child via emphatic whispers that she really wants to try the corm muffin/chili for hot lunch so I don't need to make her lunch. Make sure kid is dressed. (-10: still sleeping)
7:20 am: sign in online to cancel the day's meetings, send an idea for current work project, and request extension for a deadline (-10: probably would have still done this)
7:45 am: get kid in car and drive her to early drop-off at school (-10: still sleeping)
8:10 am: get home and heat up breakfast, tea (-10: same)
8:15 am: breakfast in front of Today Show (-10: same)
9:00 am: send message to doctor's office since I can't call them with no voice (-10: same)
9:15 am: check back online to put up my out of office message (-10: probably would have still done this)
10 am: debate taking a nap, opt to start the laundry instead (-10: probably would have still done this)

You get the idea. So now I am as free as a bird to recuperate for the rest of the day. Did I mention I am not very good at this? I'll start by making another cup of tea and refilling the humidifier.

Let it go

Today was not an awesome day. I am struggling with feeling behind in most realms of my life, and stressed as a consequence. I have a cold that has migrated into my chest, so I had difficulty falling asleep last night and am overall feeling sluggish. I lost my temper with Lu this morning after asking her the same question 4 times with no answer, and then raised my voice and got frustrated, which I try to avoid. I just had this utter feeling of everyone needing me to do more for them. All giving, all the time, no getting. We misplaced her Elsa wig (Halloween costume), which I have been frantically searching for, and I spent the morning volunteering in her kindergarten class reading a book then stuffing folders. It was lovely to catch up with another parent and accomplish something for my daughter's school, but I will have to make up for the morning's lack of productivity tonight or over the weekend. While I feel very fortunate to have a job that allows me to get everything done on my own time, I am still battling the feeling that I am not enough in any part of my life. On the way out of school, Lu begged me to stay with her and eat lunch. "I can't, I have a conference call," I told her. "Next time." So despite investing a few hours this morning in her education, I left feeling inadequate and pulled in all directions. When I got to my home office and worked for a few hours, I got a phone call from my husband, and realized I was losing my voice. Now it's completely gone, which made for an interesting trick or treat experience. Lots of waving. On the plus side, I did locate some pink hair chalk, which in my opinion is way better than an Elsa wig.

I debated publically sharing my less-than-ideal day, but decided to because there is far more positivity and pretending on the internet than any true representation of what life is actually like. Let's embrace some honesty. This is my life. It is not perfect. This is the real side of trying to keep it all together. Because sometimes, it's not together. It's a fragile balancing act, and sometimes one little snafu -- a forgotten homework assignment, an illness, or a car that won't start -- brings it all crashing down.

So what can you do? Take a deep breath or 5, and regroup. Lower your expectations a little more. Admit that you're human, and fallible. Ask for help. And dwell on the positive, because even on my worst days I realize that I am so very lucky. So Lu was Aurora for trick or treat tonight, because I found a pink dress among her dress-up gear and that damn Elsa wig has still not turned up. Maybe the world needs a little less ice queen anyway. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on Elsa's motto. If that doesn't work for you as a motto, try one I picked up at work: suck less. My take away for today is that pink hair chalk can always improve your day.

Edited to add a photo of Lu as Aurora. And to mention that the Elsa wig appeared as if by magic on her toy shelf this morning.

Thoughts I wish someone had shared with me before going back to work

This is going to be one of the hardest things you will do. Ever. Recognize that, and just do your best to get through each day to get home and see your baby. Pumping is a pain in the neck, but an amazing thing you are doing for your baby. Be gentle with yourself and lower your expectations. See sentence 1. Going back to work is a necessity for some, and a choice for some, and always a difficult adjustment. Still, it helped me to get back a part of myself that I had forgotten during those long, exhausting first days of my daughter's life. But no question, it's a struggle. So be kind to yourself, outsource everything you can, accept help, and try not to let any guilt take you down. You're going to feel guilty leaving your baby. You're going to feel guilty if you have a partner who is getting less and less of your time. You're going to feel guilty to your employer for being a frazzled mess and not performing anywhere near your formerly competent self. You're going to miss your former self and wonder where that put-together lady went, before all of the washcloths and burp cloths, diapers, and bottles.

But you just created a human being! What a truly wondrous accomplishment! And one day, not too far from now, you will start to feel like yourself again. You'll remember what it's like to have a quiet moment away from crying and get wrapped up in your work. And then you'll have a pang of guilt as you remember your child, away from you. This is all part of the process of incorporating this amazing human being into your life. You'll grow to a new normal, one where you may never quite achieve the high standard in your mind of the ideal wife, mother, or employee. Just strive toward that ideal, and you'll come closer than you know.

So cut yourself some slack in this huge new transition. Let each day unfold without overwhelming yourself, take care of yourself when that inevitably happens, and embrace the joy that comes your way.

Hey, Mickey, you're so fine!

We just returned from a week at Disney World. It was hot, exhausting, and so much fun to see the magic on Lu's face as she met her idols, the princesses.

"Look, Elsa!"

As you can imagine, I read a lot about tips and tricks to use on our trip leading up to it. I'd like to post our best-of here so that you can use this list for your next trip to see the mouse.

1. Rent, or bring, a stroller. There is so much walking that even our 5 year old who hasn't used one in years spent most of her time here. It doubled as a handy napping area and backpack carrier. We rented one at the parks, which was cheaper to do across multiple days. Also bring a backpack with sunblock, a mini first aid kit, water and snacks, ponchos, misting fans, and extra camera battery and clothes.

2. Buy your souvenirs at home. I went to the Wrentham Disney Store and spending $65 on a Frozen beach towel, Mulan hat, Sleeping Beauty sleep mask, Tinkerbell dress, Rapunzel sunglasses, t-shirt, and Disney water bottles and canvas bag. I called the gifts her special surprise each day and it was a huge deal. Extra bonus if you can also use these at the end of the day to reward good behavior. We still ended up with a $12 Frozen balloon and $25 mouse headband on this trip, but that was what we might have spent daily without the special surprises.

3. Get a guidebook. We used The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2014. This book was so helpful! We booked the recommended car service, Tiffany's, which exceeded our expectations. They dropped us off for groceries on the way to our hotel. We saved a ton of money bringing our own bottled water and PB&J sandwiches. We also found our favorite restaurant Raglan Road here.

Lu with her step dancing friend Emma

4. Take rest days. We relaxed at the hotel for part of Sunday, all day Tuesday, and all day Saturday. It was at least 90 degrees with torrential rain in the evening, so it was a huge relief to have some down time amid the hectic pace of the rest of the trip.

5. Other advice. A friend recommended the cinnamon buns at Gaston's pub, which were really good. She also suggested bringing a Sharpie if your kid likes to get autographs from the characters. Luckily we missed out on that particular experience since Lu wasn't interested. 

I doubt that this will become an annual trip for our family, but I'm so glad we got the opportunity to go when Lu was the perfect age to embrace the magic!

Lottery day

I just won the lottery! Unless you're a parent from Boston, it's not what you think. It's the school lottery.

Whenever I explain the Boston Public School lottery system, I introduce it as the hunger games for kindergarten. This is only a slight exaggeration, as it does not involve death. However, it's one of the most stressful processes I've ever been through, including applying for and being accepted into college and grad school. The lottery is based on an MIT-developed algorithm and while parents can select their desired schools, chance decides who gets accepted. Boston offers several kindergarten options: K2 is what other areas would call kindergarten, a class of 5 year olds. Boston also offers K1 for 4 year olds and K0 for 3 year olds, which is also on a lottery basis. Since demand far exceeds supply, many people like us end up with the K0 and K1 equivalent, preschool. This was a blessing for my family, because we got to stay at our favorite preschool Smart Start. 

We had been planning to stage our condo and move out of the city to a suburb with highly ranked schools. But this changes everything. Now we actually can consider staying in our beloved city. I've lived in Jamaica Plain for 10 years, and it's always felt like home to me.

I am really excited about the school Lucinda was placed into, as well as a school that we got sixth on the waitlist for.

However, it's a bittersweet day. This day could have turned out so differently for my family. And while I'm hearing several other happy stories like ours, I'm also hearing from parents who did not get assigned a spot at all, let alone one of their favorites. My heart goes out to the people who did not fare so well today. I can very easily imagine the difficult choices they are about to face. Worse still are the families lacking choice, who may not be able to move easily and who have to send their kids to an underperforming school. I am definitely feeling some survivor's guilt, as another mom aptly put it.

I am breathing a huge sign of relief, and walking around as if on a cloud. I'm finally coming out of the uncertainty that early 2014 brought, and now I have options. I feel empowered.

Equal parts work and joy

A friend of mine recently had a baby. Visiting her and her husband, and the new baby, both in the hospital and at home, reminded me of my first days as a mom. I can recall just as if it were yesterday the overwhelming feelings of love, responsibility, and cluelessness.

A friend on my moms' forum shared this awesome blog that captures her view on the true nature of motherhood. Her words about the experience being both more amazing and more horrible at times (thank you sleep deprivation and hormones) than one could ever imagine really resonated with me.

While mothering a preschooler feels easier than the constant demands of an infant, it presents its own set of challenges. Lu is a strong-willed child, and is quick to anger or grow frustrated when things don't go her way. As much as I try to reason with her, this is a difficult concept for a four year old. Some days, I end the day nearly as exhausted as I felt as when I had a new baby. But this is less frequent these days, and I feel that I am able to regain parts of myself that I lost when she was very young, such as spending time to read for fun. Thankfully, Lu gives me something to smile at, laugh at, and be proud of every single day. It is such a joy and privilege to watch the person develop in front of your eyes.

Typical Saturday morning

I rushed my daughter Lu to ballet class this morning. She was not happy to leave the house with 5 minutes left in her Scooby Doo episode, and I threatened no TV for the rest of the day if she didn't stop whining. Fortunately she pulled it together and apologized in the car. We usually run late to our 9:15 class, regardless of whether my husband or I take her. I found some parents at the cafe whose child attends Lucy's preschool, so I had a nice chat and enjoyed tea with them while she danced.

Like most times spent with kids, this morning was a roller coaster. Refreshed from a relaxing tea with my daycare friends, I lost track of the time and arrived a few minutes after ballet class had ended. She greeted me with a worried expression, saying she didn't know where I was, and buried her head in my leg. I felt terrible, but it was a good opportunity to tell her to sit tight with an adult she knows in case I am outside or downstairs when she's done.

Next we went to brunch. Lu had to use the bathroom right away, so we spent what felt like 10 minutes there before we'd even ordered water. When we got to the table, she chose pancakes. Then she asked if the flower on the table was real or fake. I told her fake, and she asked if it was meant to look fancy. I told her it was, and she was disappointed that I would not let her put water in the vase for the fake flower. She immediately assumed a grumpy disposition, and started ducking her head under the table. If I looked under, she'd pop her head up, and vice versa. I was worried she'd bump her head and told her so, and sure enough, 2 minutes later she did. I looked around the room, desperate for escape, silently hoping for a better mood, reminiscing about when I could come to brunch straight from bed at 10:30 and enjoy a mimosa and peace and quiet. Why did I take her to brunch myself? Luckily the food came soon after and she quickly forgot about her boo boo in favor of sausage and scrambled eggs.

Most of the meal progressed uneventfully, enjoyably. I think Lu had been irritable because she was hungry, and she started acting more like herself. Near the end of the meal, she discovered the delight of blowing bubbles in her water. She squealed with excitement, and beamed a smile of pure joy. She asked me to try, so we took turns for a while. We were quickly back in our flow. The innocent pleasure of discovering a fun new trick was evident on my daughter's face, and so rewarding to watch.

She had to use the bathroom again before we left. This can create havoc, but this time, she was cooperative and we played little games like "my boot fell off." She told me, "mommy, you're the best mommy ever!" This is why I take her to brunch, I reminded myself. As we walked out, satisfied, suddenly she began whining that her leotard felt uncomfortable and tugging at it. I attempted to adjust it without success, and begged her to just come with me and fix it in the car. She dragged her feet and whined most of the way, and was crying about how uncomfortable her outfit was by the time we got to the car. She cheered up on the way home, comforted by cheerios.

I titled this post typical because it sums up my experience with parenting thus far. Just when I think, this kid is the best, and I have it together today, she humbles me in the same thought with some tantrum or unmet need. And as soon as I draw in an exasperated breath, thinking, I just have to make it through this unpleasant moment, she pulls me close and makes me wonder why I would ever think of being anywhere else.