Friday, October 31, 2014

Let it go

Today was not an awesome day. I am struggling with feeling behind in most realms of my life, and stressed as a consequence. I have a cold that has migrated into my chest, so I had difficulty falling asleep last night and am overall feeling sluggish. I lost my temper with Lu this morning after asking her the same question 4 times with no answer, and then raised my voice and got frustrated, which I try to avoid. I just had this utter feeling of everyone needing me to do more for them. All giving, all the time, no getting. We misplaced her Elsa wig (Halloween costume), which I have been frantically searching for, and I spent the morning volunteering in her kindergarten class reading a book then stuffing folders. It was lovely to catch up with another parent and accomplish something for my daughter's school, but I will have to make up for the morning's lack of productivity tonight or over the weekend. While I feel very fortunate to have a job that allows me to get everything done on my own time, I am still battling the feeling that I am not enough in any part of my life. On the way out of school, Lu begged me to stay with her and eat lunch. "I can't, I have a conference call," I told her. "Next time." So despite investing a few hours this morning in her education, I left feeling inadequate and pulled in all directions. When I got to my home office and worked for a few hours, I got a phone call from my husband, and realized I was losing my voice. Now it's completely gone, which made for an interesting trick or treat experience. Lots of waving. On the plus side, I did locate some pink hair chalk, which in my opinion is way better than an Elsa wig.

I debated publically sharing my less-than-ideal day, but decided to because there is far more positivity and pretending on the internet than any true representation of what life is actually like. Let's embrace some honesty. This is my life. It is not perfect. This is the real side of trying to keep it all together. Because sometimes, it's not together. It's a fragile balancing act, and sometimes one little snafu -- a forgotten homework assignment, an illness, or a car that won't start -- brings it all crashing down.

So what can you do? Take a deep breath or 5, and regroup. Lower your expectations a little more. Admit that you're human, and fallible. Ask for help. And dwell on the positive, because even on my worst days I realize that I am so very lucky. So Lu was Aurora for trick or treat tonight, because I found a pink dress among her dress-up gear and that damn Elsa wig has still not turned up. Maybe the world needs a little less ice queen anyway. In the meantime, I'm going to focus on Elsa's motto. If that doesn't work for you as a motto, try one I picked up at work: suck less. My take away for today is that pink hair chalk can always improve your day.

Edited to add a photo of Lu as Aurora. And to mention that the Elsa wig appeared as if by magic on her toy shelf this morning.

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