I see you, Amanda Palmer

I first started listening to Amanda Palmer in 2005 or so when my friend Dave put "Coin Operated Boy" on a mix CD. Thanks, Dave! I hated the song at first in favor of other tracks like "West End Girls" by the Pet Shop Boys and Prince's "Raspberry Beret." But the more I listened, "Coin Operated Boy" made its way from worst to first in my mind. I bought The Dresden Dolls self-titled debut, saw Amanda Palmer at the Middle East with a dear friend, and have been hooked ever since.

I recently read Amanda's The Art of Asking and have been processing and internalizing its message.

Amanda Palmer is a polarizing figure. Exhibit A is her crowd funding adventures, which attracted both supporters and haters. She is brutally honest about inventing her business model as she goes and has truly pioneered the music crowd funding model. Exhibit B is her poem about accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.

In her first novel, Amanda shares her struggles with asking. She seems to resist most when asking people she loves, like her husband, acclaimed writer Neil Gaiman. To ask is to expose yourself to getting burned, to place yourself in a vulnerable position. She struggles with her self esteem and feels like she can't ask her husband for money, demonstrating the struggle that all of us face with our inner demon telling us that we are not good enough.

Amanda has been called shameless as a result of her actions, but in actuality I believe she is unashamed. She's true to herself and who she is, and lets the rest go. I admire how comfortable she is in her skin, and how much confidence and respect she exudes.

My portrait of Amanda at her 11/11/14 reading at Royale

One part of her book that surprised me was her treatment of her drummer Brian Viglione. Their band the Dresden Dolls took a very public hiatus when Brian commented on a video clip stating that the band was over. Yet Amanda skimmed over the drama and hurt feelings and had nothing but love for Brian. That kind of forgiveness shows her integrity and comfort with herself; she won't let something that someone did to her shake her core.

Amanda uses her fans as a springboard to help further to find her experience and journey in this life. She shares proudly the parts of the book that her fans contributed to. As a fan who has interacted with Amanda on Twitter, Facebook, and her blog, it makes me feel so connected to her and this book. I enjoyed reading how Amanda allows her fans to experience her actions and emotions through in her songs on blender level one. 

This amazing artist somehow manages to combat the overwhelm of social media to connect at an individual level with her fans. As someone who now has social media marketing as part of her job description thanks to a recent reorg, I can attest how difficult an achievement that is. I am completely and wholly in awe of her ability to connect with dozens of friends and strangers daily without allowing the social frenzy to take over.

Amanda discloses her vulnerability by sharing the momentous events in her life such as a recent abortion. Her ability to share the great, the tragic, and the mundane equally just floors me. I only share shards of my complex self on this blog and I strive someday to have the confidence to disclose even a tenth of what Amanda shares about herself daily.

Amanda doesn't apologize because she is secure in herself, her body, her music. She asks for help as she creates and shapes her journey through life, one fan at a time. Palmer's fans see her, and she sees us. Thank you for seeing and teaching me, Amanda, through your songs, your writing, and your heart. We should all be so lucky to have found such a role model.

If you're new to Amanda Palmer, my current favorite song is Straight. My all-time favorite is Mandy Goes to Med School. My favorite songs fluctuate based on what's going on in my life. But Amanda's heartfelt, honest music routinely makes it to my shortlist of favorite artists ever (also included are They Might Be Giants, Ben Folds, Guster, Tori Amos, and Regina Spektor). To me, the theme that connects these seemingly disparate artists is their heartfelt, inspiring lyrics.

Thank you again, Amanda, for seeing me!

Edited to add: A condensed version of this blog appeared on Fresh Baked Cookies, the Papercuts JP blog (an independent local bookstore).

What is NaBloPoMo?

So, apparently it is National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo. I learned this through Casey, an awesome local mom blogger who blogs daily, even when it's not NaBloPoMo, at LifeWithRoozle. I think she, and blogging daily, are both awesome, but I never felt like I would want to devote the time to that much blogging. But after reading Casey's tips, it seems to be a goal within reach, so I think I'll give it a shot.

You see, my personal goal for this blog, which kicked off in January, was to post 50 times, about 1 per week. As I write today's post, I'm at 31, which means I have a lot of catching up to do. So if I add in the 30 days of NaBloPoMo, then I will have catapulted myself way over this goal. After all, November is only 30 days. I think I can make it. And it will give me a chance to dust off all of those half started drafts in the queue.

This particular writing goal is really important to me, as it's is the last one of my 4 career goals of 2014. I don't want this goal to be the one that kept me from accomplishing them all. I achieved my first two career goals this spring and summer and am about to complete my third on November 13, when I present a talk about work-life balance. My coworkers designed an awesome poster for it.

Plus, I am feeling particularly mute today, as day 2 of my bout of laryngitis passed with no sign of getting my voice back. It's even worse than yesterday, when at least I had a raspy voice in the morning. No sound today. So I am glad to have an extra outlet of communication until I regain my voice. It's amazing how much we rely on speaking. Lu asked me on the way back from picking up my car from the repair shop if we could stop for a breakfast sandwich. I told her no since I could not place an order in a drive-thru. We had food at home and it was partly an excuse, but still, an inconvenience. And I think my neighbor thinks I am rude because I answered her questions about trick or treating by nodding and smiling. I should email her this blog post. At least I can still communicate just fine with my husband. He told me that I don't need sound to convey my opinions to him, and he can understand just what I'm feeling by giving him a look.

The view from the eye of the storm

It was a long night. Lu came down with the stomach bug that's been going around. Thankfully she is resting comfortably now, alongside her dad who stayed up most of the night with her. One of the hardest things I've had to do as a parent is to watch my child struggle with discomfort or pain.

I've felt uncomfortable and unsettled a lot these days. As a Boston resident, we have to enter into a lottery system to determine which school Lu is assigned to for kindergarten. I've watched many friends receive a coveted slot in a good school, or a reputably mediocre placing that ended up happily surprising them. However, I've seen many other families leave the city in droves or go the private school route. After an amazing preschool experience, we will move before accepting a spot we are uncomfortable with. Last year, we opted for another year of paid preschool rather than take a spot that would be a 45 minute bus ride across town at a school rated 3 of 10 on Great Schools where the parents are asked to supply the toilet paper.

Regrettably, this random system also affects where we will live. Boston has become our home over the last 12 years. Most of our good friends live here, and I feel shaken at the thought of selling our condo and moving to a town with better schools. And which one, where to start?! It has been so hard for me not to have a 5 or 10 year plan, let alone a 1 year plan. I'm trying to embrace this unknown future as a new opportunity to create the life my family and I envision.

We mark the passage of time with these arbitrary measurements: seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, and years. Amid the current upheaval of my daily existence, I've tried to focus less on the passage of time and more on the moments. Holding my daughter close while she finally naps after a long night of sleeplessness. Smiling to see that I've received a message from a friend. Creating content to share with my family and friends, finally releasing the torrent of words that I didn't realize I'd been stifling by not writing.

Most importantly, focusing on the moments helps me to be the person I strive to teach my daughter to be. I can have a bit of a temper and impatient personality, probably inherited from my mom and her Irish roots. I know you're readings this, so thanks, mom! Fortunately, this is balanced by my dad's stoic English stock. My dad taught me to be patient and kind. I remember he admonished me as an adult for not stopping to greet some workers outside my building. Never forgo an opportunity to be nice to someone, he said. My dad proudly displays posters around his house with adages like "lost time is never found again" and "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." My advice to myself is displayed on my fridge in magnet form: "Be kind. No exceptions. -Secret Agent L." I may not know where we'll live or where my daughter will go to school next year, and that is a scary thought to me. But if I can enter into this journey showing grace and compassion to everyone I encounter, I will be better off for it.

A new year, a new project

I've contemplated starting a blog in the past, and have been told by numerous friends that I should start one. I have resisted, using the obvious excuses: I don't have time, I'm concerned for my privacy, and I don't know what angle my blog should have.

2014 is the year! I plan to blog about everything: my life, career in technology, family, and interests. I'll just tag the posts appropriately so you can read what you like.

I really admire several blogs. My local friend Casey's blog has been internationally republished, won awards, and amazingly, she managed to post every day in 2013. Such an inspiration! I go to Jenny Lawson's site for laughs. I also read 2 other moms' blogs, written by a local mom Joy and from a formerly local mom living in Alsace.

Professionally, I follow Ms. Mind Body, Peter Bregman, Michael Hyatt, Kathrin Winkler, and Pat, The Work Options Adviser on Facebook.

And so it begins! I hope you will find something here that you enjoy.